words

solitude is not the killer,
it is the silence, the darkness,
the world without your laughter
and your light
that is incomprehensible.

there is a quickness to my heart now
that will not subside
and it is in your absence
that i find myself paralyzed,
stricken with fear
at the idea of moving through this life
without your lovely hand
and your wild eyes.

i am consumed by the choices i have made
and the shadows here now are harsh
and jagged and the lack of wind
augments the heat of my choices
and the burning infects my head
in moments such as this
where there is nothing but the night
and your memory in it, so real
it nearly forms itself
against the shallow wall of pretending
you do not still exist
somewhere in this world.

and god, the savagery was so intense
and now in the calm i can barely breathe
without the violent plumes of smoke
and the fumes and mad eyes avoiding mine,
i am quietly engaged in a war
against my own methods and i listen
to the same song over and over again,
my heart the war drum
beating out battle cries
that are no longer returned or even heard
by your distant armies.

-S.C. Martinez