words

i accept what i wish to accept
and condemn that which i do not;
your presence in this world
is circumspect and based solely
on my allowing it to exist,
otherwise you are merely a rumor,
someone’s memory of someone
who does not fit
into my historical judgment of things.

everything is at my discretion,
the earth turns because i allow it,
the sun aches from far beyond
only in my head and in my heart
and thereby in yours,
and thereby in yours.

all things serve at my behest
and in this reckoning
it is awful to find that i am wrong
and quite suddenly and terribly
powerless, unable to command
any thing at all no matter the force
that i exert, no matter the power
that i relinquish.

i stand with sour thoughts
kicking at the dirt,
fishing in my pockets
for some thing to control
and finding none i am condemned
like the things i do not allow
and now my presence is circumspect
and based solely
on my allowing it to exist
and i weigh the benefits
and handicaps of that truth
and find that even in this
i am but a mere observer
of some greater analysis.

-S.C. Martinez